my vag is so smooth its legendary
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
