your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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