you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
