I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
