absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
