I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
