Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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