Kiss
Puke
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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