She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
