well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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