everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
