i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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