Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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