so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
