so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
