i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
