Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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