You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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