Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize