They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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