I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
