Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
