biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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