I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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