I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
