worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
