It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I won the penis lottery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
