Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
