Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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