Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
