I think I died a long time ago.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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