I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
