Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
