it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
