is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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