I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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