I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
