so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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