I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
