So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Congratulations! We have a period
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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