I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
