You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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