my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
