morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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