after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
