i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
