I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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