I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
