Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
