On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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