Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
