he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
