dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
