She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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