The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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