I'm going to jail i love you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
