apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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