We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
