dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
