I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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