why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
