you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
