There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
