Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
