i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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