just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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