think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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