When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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