Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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