I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
